omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
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You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
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you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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