I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Drake has all the answers
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
