i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.