I am in a vortex of obligation.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila