i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit