it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'