i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
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You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
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my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
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