There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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