im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
