you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
