are you so shy because you have an std?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
True strength comes from lack of pants
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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