Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
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the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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