Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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