The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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