cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
