I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
