alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize