just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
