So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
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