My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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