If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize