my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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