When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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