hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
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So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
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My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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