If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
