Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
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