conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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