Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
