could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
