Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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