Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
