i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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