my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
She's not a foreskin expert like you
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
