too bad you live with your parents still
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
