this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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