i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
