so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
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