I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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