My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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