So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
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I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
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We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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