Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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