During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
