you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
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i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
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My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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