i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
and you said cock pushups were impossible
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
