note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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