The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
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He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
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I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
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