Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
