How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
