I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
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