My brain says no but my pants say off.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
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Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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