Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
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I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
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I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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