Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.