I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
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You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
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I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap