I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E