Kiss
Puke
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
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And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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