in pain and im wearing pink underwear
i dont own pink underwear
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?