Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks